K-Street Veterans For Kerry

Well, we’ve gotten our hands on the secret recipe used by John Kerry this week to shake up his campaign and his staff:

Take two mid-sized hack Democrats. Drain them of grease. Wash them, dry them and re-dress them in light virgin oil. Place in pot as “veteran advisers”

Gut and pluck one mature Clinton turkey. Pull the innards and guts (if you can find any). Remove the head (usually found in the anal cavity). Place in pot next to the hacks.

Fill the pot to within one inch of top using only pure K-street juice. Stir vigorously adding in bundled greens and over-priced Rx drugs.

Make sure to avoid ANY seasoning whatsoever.

Simmer for 30 minutes.

Take contents from pot and place in a deep baking dish. Throw in two cups of shredded Gore speeches (if out of season you can use Chopped Dukakis transcripts). Sprinkle in a ½ cup of Take Back America brand platitudes. Garnish with a handful of Little Guy cheese puffs.

Place in oven at 350 degrees. Make sure to flip contents every ½ hour or before any mass gels.

Remove when half-baked and serve up luke warm.

When you’re done eating and ready for some serious reading, check out Jeff Birnbaum’s beaut of a piece in today’s Washington Post titled Lobbyists Take Leave to Advise Kerry Campaign. Next time you catch yourself jumping up and down yelling something about taking back America, remember this piece.

Here are some greasy excerpts about the real lives of Kerry insiders Joel Johnson, Joe Lockhart, Howard Wolfson, and Michael Wouley:

"In bolstering his inner circle of advisers with veterans from previous Democratic campaigns, Sen. John F. Kerry (Mass.) has also chosen to hire lobbyists with close ties to a wide array of businesses, including drug companies and Microsoft Corp…

…The new hires add an extra burden to the Kerry campaign, which has often lambasted its opponent, President Bush, for being too close to special interests….

…Until he joined the campaign's communications effort last week, Johnson was managing director of the Harbour Group LLC, a Democratic lobbying firm in the District whose clients have included companies in the oil, airline, pharmaceutical and food processing industries…

Johnson has acted as a strategist for two of the business world's thorniest legislative issues. He represented the Asbestos Study Group, a coalition of companies including Honeywell and Pfizer that is trying to pass legislation to impose a universal settlement on asbestos lawsuits. He also has battled the big regional telephone companies on behalf of Nextel Communications Inc., which wants to purchase publicly owned radio-wave spectrum to bolster its wireless phone service.

Whouley's Dewey Square Group is one of the country's foremost experts in so-called grass-roots and grass-tops lobbying. His firm has been paid by General Motors Corp., the American Insurance Association, AT&T Corp., Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association and Microsoft, among others, to drum up support from voters for legislation the companies advocate. Whouley is now working at the DNC…

…Lockhart and Wolfson have been partners in the Glover Park Group, a D.C. consultancy that specializes in helping companies and associations achieve their legislative aims through television advertising and public relations. Lockhart, who is now with the Kerry campaign, has worked for Microsoft and the National Air Traffic Controllers Association, a Glover Park Group spokesman said. Wolfson, who is now at the Democratic National Committee, has assisted NARAL Pro-Choice America, among others. According to its Web site, the Glover Park Group, which is part-owned by both men, has also been retained by Pfizer, Fannie Mae and the United States Telecom Association, which represents the regional telephone companies."

Hey… what’s for dessert?

Comments

[GMRoper]

Marc, that was the funniest recipe I've read in years and years. I laughed so hard I think I pulled something. So you suppose I can get John Edwards to sue you? Nah, I wouldn't do that, but it is an interesting thought..... :-)

George

[Marc Cooper]

GM-- Thanks. Maybe tomorrow I'll post the recipe for Bush-Cheney re-election!

[Bonnie]

Marc.....This should be the first recipe in your new
"Political Cookbook". You have out done yourself,
The funniest bit I have read in a long time. And So So True!

[GMRoper]

Marc writes: "Maybe tomorrow I'll post the recipe for Bush-Cheney re-election."

Please, please, pretty please with sugar.... but, give me 24 hours notice so I can go get a truss.

George

[Marc Cooper]

working on it..

[Bonnie]

O. K. Marc......
George and I are waiting for the Bush/Chenry recipe!
You have had your 24 hours.....