Martini Weenie?

I have been a good boy, for the most part, and have used this blog to attack only public figures (in spite of my more base instincts).

So for one day only, I’m going to broaden the definition of public to include a fellow blogger –Joseph Mailander at Martini Republic.

Attack is maybe the wrong word. I’m going to tell a little story and ask for some responses from the readers. I’ll give you the question in advance: does anybody read Martini Republic and, if you do, do you take any of it seriously? Or am I the last person in L.A. to figure out it's really a whacko site?

I actually had not heard of these folks until around sometime last Xmas. There was a meeting of some (mostly conservative-leaning) bloggers in L.A. with a high-profile blogger from Iraq. At that meeting, the slavishly pro-Democrat Martini People showed up and raised some sort of a ruckus, essentially questioning the bone fides of the Iraqi blog.

I shrugged the whole thing off as trivial. And I wrote off the description of the Martini’oides as cranks by some of the more rightist bloggers present as nothing more than over-wrought partisanship. There certainly was more than one rightwing crank at that gathering.

But now I have some second thoughts. Here’s why. At the beginning of the year I got a plea from Martini’s Mailander to attend a soiree he was planning where, he said, many of my "fans" would be present. I said sure, why not? Nice to be wanted

On the date of the party, in late February, I got waylaid on a drive back from Arizona and couldn’t make it and I tendered my regrets.

Then a week later, out of the blue, on the day that an essay of mine criticizing the Democrats (from the left mostly) came out in The Atlantic I got this nasty e-note from Mailander:

c'mon mark.  great that you turned states evidence.  why don't you

quote me one time?

let's get the other side of the story.

When I wrote back and said, “huh?” I got this reply:

Sorry marc.  I guess there are those of us who simply don't like to be

thought of as "the liberal left as the new incarnation of the John

Birch Society."   Now, what could be offensive about that?  Why don't

you figure it out?

Go fuck yourself and stay away.

Fair enough, though I had  never met the fellow and he had invited me to his party. Not vice versa. I would have forgotten the whole matter…except…the next day Mailander apologizes privately but then publishes a tweak of me on his site.

That's OK too and I ignored it all like a good soldier. But here comes a curveball. A month later, out of the blue again, totally unprompted, Martini Mailander e-mails me again and asks me to blurb his new book! Like I've got nothing better to do than to promote people who tell me to fuck myself.

Marc, would you be interested to provide any "advance praise' for my

novel, "The Plasma of Terror", which will be published on the Internet

May 1 (or, April 22 for LA book festival attendees)?

I offered no reply, sensing it's better just not to get involved with such erratic types. But a few days later, apparently as the month’s meds prescription wore out, Martini flips out and attacks me again for my public sneering at the Vatican. Mind you this is before he's even gotten an answer from me about blurbing his screed.

I did thank him by email for at least spelling my name right in his posting on me.

And on this past Thursday nite, Mailander’s blog is back to thumping me again – not only over the Pope, again, but also accusing me of being a fish killer!

ROFL, as they say. In a fit of typical liberal political correctness, Mailander rules that it is “vurry red state” in 2005 to be seen posing with a dead fish (and from where does he think all that precious salmon and Chilean bass that dainty liberals are so fond of derive?).

Don’t get me wrong. I find all of this strictly humorous. It’s also sort of the worst use of blogs—a sin I am also committing by even responding. But I confess a certain anthropological fascination with guilt-ridden middle-class liberals. So, help me out, folks and let me know if you visit the Martini Republic and if you don’t find its sovereign a bit, um, in the bag?

Comments

[PJ]

He's a crank with a hard drive, Marc, and a no-talent crank at that.

I read his stuff when he was doing a job on the ITM brothers and came to the conclusion he attacks to get readers. It worked once, so why not try it again?

Speaking of dead things, I think I'll rustle up some bacon this morning...yum.

[Michael Turner]

Uh-oh ... commentary on commentary on commentary.

Worse: commentary involving clusterbloggers who brag blithely about what fine drunks they are.

Dare we stretch for a yet lower rung, toes a-tremble? Nay, let us fling ourselves bodily into the abyss!

Regarding philosophers and elephants, I'm not sure George Lakoff's got more to say about this than could be covered in a late Sunday afternoon session at Renaissance Weekend, so it's interesting that some Dems are flacking for his brand of sociolinguistics. On some level, I find the whole Lakoff Elephant thing a bit Korzybskian. And that's troubling to me, because I used to work for the U.C. Berkeley linguistics department, and they seemed a reasonably level-headed group, so long as they stuck to science. With the Lakoffs, though (Robin and George), there's often something else going on.

I think it's not so much how the conservatives frame debates as it is how they market their ideological goods. They work hard to find ways to get a quick conceptual impulse-buy, and they don't waste time and breath on unlikely markets. And they've only gotten better at this.

I've read that the Bush administration is the most focus-group-driven bunch to ever hit the White House. Clinton was, of course, notoriously poll-obsessed, but polls are usually after the fact; they are good for defense, not offense. Focus groups are the way to sniff out, in advance, what will or will not sell.

"'Personal accounts'. '*Personal* accounts'! Look at the smiles ... much better than 'private accounts' ... Yeah ... Like 'personal computer'. Or that laughable lie down at Wells Fargo, 'personal banker'. OK, call the speech writers, maybe we can win this one yet ...."

When a linguist rediscovers the entire science of writing advertising copy, and writes a mass-market book about his discovery, the Dems can get the message from a sector they can respect: liberal academia. Then they don't have to feel like they are taking after that scumbug Nixon, and the way he just *blatantly* surrounded himself with advertising executives.

[reg]

Never heard of it...glad I haven't.

But Marc...uh...you ARE a Fish Killer...and a rather proud one at that. And that's Okay.

[Mark A. York]

I think the real difference is how the advertising by conservatives perverts the truth by omission; overegeenralization and false comparison followed by the same irrelevant conclusions that they had in hand at the beginning.

I don't know what this Martini guy is. The bio was so disjointed and out of focus that I don't what the guy is about.

[Keith, Indianapolis]

Never heard of him, could care less about him.

Only visit new blogs when someone links an interesting entry, which, from your description, wont be forthcomming from this guy...

[joseph]

So--maybe you're not coming to our Cinco de Mayo party either?

[wil]

I always wondered about you and the fishing thing Marc. Don't you know it's merely a patriarchal attempt to express your dominace over aquatic life forms? The captured fish clearly becomes a phallic symbol for you to wave around to your fellow males in a vaguely homoerotic ritual.

[Brian Siano]

Okay, so you think Marc's hunting fish because of sublimated patriarchal tendencies. I prefer to think that he's working his way up from the easy stuff, like fish, through the harder ones like marlins and whales... and eventually, he shall take on Cthulhu, when he awakens from his eon-lomng slumber in the city of R'lyeh.

For as Marc undoubtedly knows, "ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn." Go get'im, Marc!

[rosedog]

Marc, never heard of the fool.

But how seriously can you possibly take a person who describes himself in his bio as living "...trapped deep in the inner city of Los Angeles..." when it turns out that what he MEANS by that is that he (poor darling) resides in the *hills of Los Feliz*!!!!!!!!

ROFLSHAUTCBAHANC!!!!*

*(rolling on floor laughing so hard am unable to catch breath and have alarmed nearby cat)

[Marc Cooper]

" ROFLSHAUTCBAHANC " I learn something every day!

[rosedog]

Okay, here's all you need to know. In his bio, Mailander also lists his literary works (see below), along with dates---which, for most of us, would suggest year of publication.

novels:
julia valentine (1984)
salsipuedes (1988)
alone at roaring brook (1999)
the plasma of terror (2005)

short story collection:
space and time in the west (1991)

I looked 'em up on Amazon. Not a one is listed. Nothing. Nada. Zip. (And, remember, Amazon lists wa-a-a-ay out of print stuff AND books that're self published.)

No more need be said. (Except possibly the admission that I'm being petty and mean with the above observation....and am not at all sorry about it.)

Back to deadlines. (Please somebody stop me if I try to blog again today.)

PS: A book titled, "salsipuedes" IS listed, but it's a short story collection, and it's by some other guy.

[matter]

Looks like Martini-man is a fringe-job whacko who wanted some of your cred rubbed off on him. By writing about him, even dismissively, you've given him his attention fix.

[Mark A. York]

I meant to look those up, but didn't bother. Must be web only work. He just got quoted by Jackie Schectner the blog reporter on CNN. That's something. It concerned his Bolton post.

[Mark A. York]

Marlins are fish, whales are mammals.

[Woody]

First, Happy Earth Day to all you anti-capitalists. Now, to answer Marc's question...No, I don't read his web site and have never seen it. If I had and I commented, he probably would have blocked my postings. Is he wacko? Maybe, if he and I agree on something.

Now, you may want to know that he just posted an update on his site referencing your post here.

"UPDATE: Marc Cooper responds, sort of, not much to argument but very much to personal character, mudslinging away, promoting various emails and the coming book, and snarking out the most damning of all personal epithets: middle class."
______________________

Okay, here's my take on some of your run-in's with him:

(1) MC: "At the beginning of the year I got a plea from Martini’s Mailander to attend a soiree he was planning....I tendered my regrets"

--Marc, I've seen this before and know how you hurt him. The guy invited close friends to get together. He had refreshments--consisting mainly of cookies and iced tea. There was a flipchart at one end of the room to illustrate something important. There was a mystery person there who began to talk. It's all clear. The guy was having an AMWAY party! You missed the presentation and the offer to join, and YOU kept him from getting to the next sales tier. Just be sure that you make his Tupperware party.
_____________________

(2) MC: "Martini flips out and attacks me again for my public sneering at the Vatican." [Refers to Marc's quote, "Being anti-religious shares no territory with, say, racial or any other form of bigotry. One’s race or gender or nationality is determined irrevocably by birth. Religion, however, is voluntary (at least after you’re 18).]

--Do you want to know how really crazy that guy is? He and I both took exception to that same point, and that has to be scary--for both of us. Back on April 19th, when green dem pointed out your quote to me, here's how I responded: "That is nonsense! (Sorry, Marc.) I didn't see (Marc's) comment, but...(and then some crazy comments about rude New Yorkers and bad driving asians.)" When a liberal and I agree on something, then one of us has crossed the line. I'm sure it's Mailander, who must now forfeit his ACLU card.
____________________

(3) MC: "...also accusing me of being a fish killer!"

--It could be a case of mistaken identity for both you and the fish. First, I'm not sure that's you in the picture unless you just used a whole bottle of Grecian Formula 44 and Ron Popeil's GLH Hair-in-a-Can. (Incidentally, notice how you can't have "Popeil" without the "Pope.") Secondly, that fish could really be "Big Mouth Billy Bass" and not the real thing. Was that fish singing when you held it? If that is a real picture, just explain to Mailander that God placed all the animals on the Earth and gave man dominion over them. You just wanted to follow God's will as you understand it, and I think the Pope would agree with you.
_______________________

(4) What could be in the next article against you? Watch out. If he's an Angel's fan, he's not going to like the fact that you support the Dodgers. If he's a Dodger's fan, he's not going to like your piece on the bad seating at the stadium. You're screwed either way.
___________________

(5) I said that I would never mention this again, so forgive me...but...but, could Mailander's real name be.................steve?

[jim hitchcock]

So, Marc, how 'bout you shoot your next croaker with a bow and arrow, roll it up in a newspaper, and send it to the guy.

[Woody]

Quick correction to my point (2) above.... I must have had a brain freeze when I mixed up my concern for one of Marc's Catholic quotes for another one to which Mailander took exception. I have no idea what I was thinking. Maybe Dan Rather can help me out of this unexplainable discrepancy.

[Woody]

More Analysis:
Let's not rush to judgement. Joseph Mailander may not be as bad as we think. His biography states:
-Reagan campaign (1980)
-first la times article, on...baseball...

Can't we all just get along?

[alex]

Looks like Mark Cooper picked the wrong day to wonder about who takes Martini Republic seriously:

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0504/22/ip.01.html

Don't worry, Mark. We're used to the theater of the LA blogosphere by now.

[Mark A. York]

"just explain to Mailander that God placed all the animals on the Earth and gave man dominion over them."

If he did he sure had them in a long revision process.

That's the CNN clip I was referring to.

[Randy Paul]

Never heard of him, Marc. I'm a caipirinha man anyway. Olives and pearl onions are for salads.

As for the fishing, Mailander should consider the salutary effects on one's blood pressure of pursuing bonefish, tarpon and permit among the mangrove with a fly rod.

[jim hitchcock]

Thanks loads, Randy...I had to google Pisco Sours when you mentioned them a few months back...then I gave the recipe to the waitress (at an Italian restaurant) and wound up with a Margarita.

[Randy Paul]

Jim,

Click here for caipirinhas http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink2632.html here for pisco sours http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink5931.html and here for one for John Bolton http://www.drinksmixer.com/drink735.html

I aim to please.

[jim hitchcock]

Hah! Thanks, Randy!

[Jim Rockford]

I have never heard of this site before. Don't think I'll bother with it either I guess.